Now that the latest crying jag has subsided, I can write.
I spent the vast majority of the last two days crying. Then I got a hold of some friends and spent the evening and night with Rockabilly and C, so that I wouldn't be stuck in my head. It worked- partially. I had a mental image I know to be a memory, with a name attached but no face, and a general idea of where I was living (and, thus, what age I would have been) when whatever it was happened... I'm not even sure if anything DID happen, I just remember this one image, and I can't figure out why it's coming up now.
Today, I get a text message from Mr. Wonderful Mexico today asking to meet me- I got completely blown off by him yesterday and most of the day before, and didn't know why, but I was struggling with loneliness something fierce so I hung out with other friends. I sure didn't expect to hear from him today asking to meet up. So I met with him- and he called it quits. Let me explain- I have hung out with him three or four times, talked to him quite a bit, feel very safe with him, and like him an awful damn lot, and today he tells me I'm too young (the same age as his ex-gf, 14 years younger than him) and that I'm wonderful and beautiful and could have any man I want- except, apparently not.
I can't explain why this hurts as much as it does. I haven't been seriously invested in this relationship, well, it's not even a relationship... But I cried like I haven't over any relationship that immediately.... I said I had no place to try to change his mind, but it sure sounded like that's what I was doing anyway.
I don't understand why this hurts. He still wants to be friends- which is, technically, all we really were anyhow- but it feels like a major betrayal, and I cannot comprehend why it hurts so damned much.
I'm tired of crying, but I'm more tired of being alone than anything else in the world.
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