I work as a bouncer.
I am about to start school to become an auto mechanic.
Everyone I know just looks at me thoughtfully when I announce the above facts and they say "Yeah, that sounds like you."
I'm never going to know how to take that.
My favorite colors are pink and yellow and orange.
Well, anything bright to be honest.
And I'm the most masculine girly girl you'll ever meet.
Even I don't know how to consolidate all of this sometimes.
I had a butch lesbian friend of mine ask why I insisted on pink everything, even in my vehicle. She asked if it was to make a point that I was still a girl.
...........?!?!
Of course I'm a GIRL!
I am even pretty, dammit. I get my nails and eyebrows done, am great at doing my makeup and have long, well-kept hair.
I don't understand why it's so damn hard for everyone to accept that I can like pink, have my nails done and still like changing my own oil, going mudding and doing "guy" stuff.
I don't have to fit one stereotype, man, and you can't make me.
It's been a big transition beginning to work again and stand on my own. A job, school, all sorts of responsibilities and even friends.... I'm learning. It's hard, but I haven't had a panic attack in a while- at least not a public one. The way I manage to twist my own brain around itself in private is an entirely separate matter, but I deal with it mostly on my own. I have been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to help other people through some minor medical situations at work. A seizure, some blunt trauma, and, of course, a panic attack.
It's a really strange feeling to see one of those from the flip side of the coin.
It's really difficult to see it and know what that person needs to do and not be able to get them to listen.
Especially when you've been through the darkness and out the other side yourself.
Lord have mercy things are changing fast.
